Linguistic Love (Short Story)

“Her heart was broken, waiting to be fixed by the superglue of his love. How’s that?”

“That is too cheesy a line for you to be a writer.”

“And that is a dialogue copied from Sex And The City.”

“And how do you know that? Boys really don't watch it, do they?”

“It has its quirks, and I have a thing for Miranda.”

Despite all my misgivings, I’d decided to help Sameer out in his quest to write a mystery – romance – thriller – tragic – yet – comic novel for his ladylove. Not that I was a novelist par excellence, I simply happened to have a better hang of grammar and the basic language better than he did. He needed it, considering he was in love with the English topper of the school. With great patience and gradual prodding, I convinced him to shorten it to a romantic dark humoured novel, which was undoubtedly easier on the sanctity of the reader’s mind. Sameer was determined to be her prince in shining grammar and to say that he fell short of that was like saying that Hitler was a bit pissed with the Jews.

“With great power comes great responsibility, he was determined to live up to the ones entrusted to him.”

“And don't forget to quote Peter Parker, a.k.a. Spiderman on that one.”

“Gawd, Avantika. Will you for once stop raining on my creative parade?”

“It seems more like a one man walk at the moment”

“Fine, fine. Lets get on with the novel shall we? How ‘bout, we add a strange sharpshooter in the fray?”

“Because we have nothing better to do?”

Today was the last day we had to complete this god-forsaken project. Tomorrow we would print it out and give it to Urvashi. I felt sorry for Urvashi, on more than one occasion. She was an intelligent and pretty girl, simply ignored by both girls and boys on account of her good friendships with boys and her marvellous command over languages. Boys tend to get intimidated you see, by girlfriends who can speak five languages. But Sameer was different. In spite of the painfully obvious fact that he knew all of his English from re-runs of old American serials and the latest men’s magazines, he was ready to make an absolute linguistic fool of himself in front of her. He’d become convinced that becoming a writer was the only way he could win her heart and nothing could stop him. Except maybe, his English. In a flash of what I'm sure was intelligence blinding inspiration, he decided to enlist my help and followed me everywhere with a wounded puppy look. I had to give in.

“Avantika. WHATEVER. Just Help Me.”

“Right. Back to the story. We have two main characters, a reason for them to fall in love and a problematic situation that says no-no to love. All we need now is to get rid of the situation.”

“Let’s kill it off.”

“Brilliant. Let’s enlist the sharpshooter to track down and kill the 2000 km distance between them because they need to attend their final year of college.”

“The girl and the boy represent me and Urvashi right? So, let’s remove all the college and blah blah blah and write Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. They get together. Will you be my girlfriend?”

I just blinked at him.

“Uh huh. Amazement crashing over you like waves on a bedrock, right?”

“Crashing yes. Amazement, not so sure about that.”

“Avantika, I don't care. This was a stupid idea to start with.”

And then I saw angels coming down on our heads and singing Hallelujah. He’d finally realized what a waste of time this was.

“I’ll write her a poem.”

“A poem?”

“Yea. You know, the roses are red, something is blue sorts and say it out loud to her.”

“That’ll be one helluva declaration of love.”

“I got it.
Roses are red,
Converses are blue,
I say these lines because,
My love for you is true.”

More blinking at open-mouthed gaping followed.

“So I should go with it?”

“Why not? There’s nothing worse that can happen.”

“Cool. Awesome. Urvashi, here I come!”
And all I could think of was, “and there you go, thrown out of the window!”… Next day, I found Sameer waiting for me, apparently in dire need of some blessings. He was sweating like a pig and was about to start crying for mommy when he saw Urvashi. It seemed like the heavens knew of our plan today, considering Urvashi hadmade an extra effort to look pretty today. Actually, they did. Urvashi and I had been friends for the past six years and when Sameer came to me for help, I couldn’t help but tell her about the whole plan. She had fallen for Sameer at that very moment and was looking forward to the story, choosing to ignore how possibly silly it could be. The idea of a poem, made her even more excited. Finally, she would be able to hear it.


“Hey Sameer, how’re you?”

“Urvashi, I have something to say. You see, I kind of like you. And I like writing poems but I cant even write a decent poem because the one I wrote for you sucks. So, I was hoping that you’d help me fix it a bit.”

“Sure. Can I hear it?”

“Roses are Red, Converses are Blue, I say these lines because my love for you is true.”

I swear I saw people standing around them roll their eyes.

“Sameer, that was possibly one of the sweetest things anybody has ever said to me. I’d love to help you fix up the poem.”

I almost laughed. Sameer almost fainted. People did stare. And then Sameer came to thank me and swore that their first kid would be named after me. I told him to shoo away and caught sight of Urvashi standing behind him, giving me a conspiratorial wink and two thumbs up. Well, what Sameer didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, I thought, sending him off with Urvashi.


arnav said...

That's like amazing. Very nicely written.

Prince in shining grammar - funneee!

Ketan said...

Very well written! And another conditional compliment--even more amazing if Sameer and Urvashi didn't really exist. TC.

anty_anand said...

Thanks yet again.
They probably exist somewhere in the corners of my mind, but never met people like them.

Ketan said...

I won't imply that I know story-writing better than you for I don't write better than you. A story has at least two parts--the plot and the narration. The earlier praise was for the narration. This one is for the plot. A plot is admirable in the same proportion as it is a work of fiction (imagination). So, I admire your story all the more.

If you've been just wondering why my compliments have been "conditional", that's because a praise is more apt to be sincere when the patron knows (and states) what they like about what they're praising. I've encountered many cases when the idea central to something I do would be totally missed, (say, in a poetry, the basic meaning would be that central idea, and the reader would end up appreciating the play of words, or the rhyming, or simply say "it's great" without meaning/understanding it), and it's the relatively unimportant attributes that'd catch the observer's attention.

It'd be also very naive if I imply that for everything we end up liking we can find out the reasons, but in your submissions that I praised, I could definitely find the reasons for liking them, and hence you were inundated with them.

One more thing, for which you need not respond as I'm sure it must be an extremely personal issue for you: if Urvashi and Sameer exist merely as possibilities, then you're safe in trusting your assessment of the world around you, but if they do so as certain kind of subliminal wish, then that's a sure recipe for disaster because the human mind has an incredible ability to see as facts what it WANTS to see as facts. To put it simply, just like other things in life, it's important to know why we like certain persons. The more unknown the reasons to like a person are, more evanescent they (reasons) are. This obviously has implications in life. If what I've stated in this last paragraph is totally irrelevant to you, you become deserving of another praise from me--that you've a very fertile imagination.


anty_anand said...

I do understand why you've explained your reasons separately, it helps in knowing what exactly you liked.

As for Sameer and Urvashi, they are based on the one fact that I am a stickler for grammar, so the idea of writing a story based loosely on it seemed like an interesting idea. I like the idea of a boy trying to be better for someone and somebody else excepting another person just because they tried. That was the basic thought behind writing it.

Just Me :) said...

All I say anty is "aaaaaaa". Ishita will fill you with details ;)

anty_anand said...

Deva, right back at ya.

And I kinda get it.

Ketan said...

Oh, did I read too much into your story? Nevertheless, the pleasure was mine. :)

anty_anand said...

Yah, maybe just a little bit more than I thought about when I even wrote it. Glad to see it made people think tho.