Squirrels Are Funny Things

The canteen usually makes good food, but today it was uninspired crap. I say this after having eaten the most uninspired food dishes ever, so you can imagine how bad it was. Anyway, after heroically finishing most of it, I set the plate aside only to have a squirrel come up and grab a few grains of rice. Being a nice person and confessedly in love with all things animal, I and my friend moved a little away from the dish to let the squirrel have a bit more to eat.

15 minutes later, the squirrel was still eating. I was surprised at its appetite but assumed it hadn't had much to eat in many days. When half an hour later, it was still at it and two other squirrels were looking at him in a rather annoyed manner, I was sure this squirrel was dying of gluttony, very soon. Death by Rajma Chawal, finally.

And I imagine the following conversation will happen among his part Anglo-Saxon, part British and part Punjabi brethren:

(The Unfeeling Aunty): Oh dear, 'twas so unexpected.
(The Condescending Fool): Indeed sire, he was such an engaging squirrel to keep company with.
(The Honest-To-God Uncle): But saarji, he was being glutton. Me and his parjayiji also get free food. We do not eat much.
(The Parjayiji): Yes, my lord. We do not even have those middle class paunches that everybody else sports.
(The Mother): But we are meant to eat free food! All of it! *sobs*
(The Annoying Relative): Toh ji, we get shoes thrown at us for free ji. We toh don't stay to eat.
(The Mother): *Sobs More*
(The Father): Pappu ki Mother, control yourself. Let us remember him in all his furriness.
(Pappu's Ghost): Bai God ji, 'twas the most exquisite meal I have been fortunate enough to sup on.

Signing Out,
Feeling Squirrely.


A said...

(Pappu's Ghost): Bai God ji, 'twas the most exquisite meal I have been fortunate enough to sup on.

Autobiographical Squirrels now? What's next dahling?

Anty said...

Shhhhhhhush! Nobody is supposed to know. :)

The Other A said...

Seriously? That's what your family is like or was that all very operatic?

Either ways, I think Modern English Lit could do with a little Punjabi flavour to it.

Anty said...

Pappu might have had to live in a cultural confusion like I do but it is mostly operatic. Very on-the-spot-sketch kind of thing.

I hope to be of some service to Modern English Lit and Bros. someday. ;)

Mer-curial-maiden said...

I thought death from over-eating only happened to fishies :'(

Sherry Wasandi said...

Wait a minute!

Did you call canteen-food "uninspired"? !!!

*sigh* I go for "edible" and am disappointed without exception.

Anty said...

Mer-curial-maiden: I believe it does. Pappu the squirrel was up and about today, showing no tell-tale signs of his gluttonous adventures.

Sherry: I did. The canteen wala's usually dispense tasty food. Especially the samosa's. They have been famous since 1982, I hear.

Rene Lacoste said...

I love squirrels! Had a squirrel drinking coffee out of my cup the other day(cold coffee i.e. :))

And come on, canteens are just one step down the line from messes(we love to hate 'em). Especially when they're run by people from parts of India with non-existent food traditions (I refuse to call idlis and dosas food)

Just Me :) said...

Having done an entire assignment on semantics, semiotics, connotation, denotation and what not, on "Pappu can't dance saala" and the stereotype that the name PAPPU points towards, usually a 'dumb,under-intelligent, lazy, but usually innocent and often good for nothing dude' I wonder what made you pick that name?

P.S: Damn you cristie, you did this to me! :-|

Anty said...

@ Rene, this is where I like my canteen. Not only does it have all over Delhi-famous Samosas, but it has fairly tasty food at rather cheap prices. And then of course, delicious aloo ke paranthe on saturdays. :D

But yes, food traditions of solely dosa idli and no south indian non-veg is truly disheartening.

Anty said...

'dumb,under-intelligent, lazy, but usually innocent and often good for nothing dude'

Deva, I predicted his via Rajma Chawal and gluttony. I think he fulfills all of the above criteria, no? :D

Also, punjabi stereotype name for whenever you have a sobbing mother.

Ishita_Dasgupta said...

I say it again..
You're awesome! :D

P.S.- I want a squirrel. :(

Anty said...

You make me feel goooood about it. :D

Well, your bday's in a year or less. ;)