I am heading into the wrong career. I should be a commentator for football. Why? Because I am exceptionally good and funny at it.
It all started late last night, at a sleepover. Best Friend was deprived of tv viewing pleasures at home and badgered us to tell her about Messi's playing and whenever Argentina scores. Hell, we didn't just tell her, we re-defined the world of commentary altogether. Maradonna gave us such happy times, with all his nail biting, armpit hugging and coach straddling. He also kissed and ass patted the players when they came out of the field. Almost God to Kinda Creepy in 5 seconds flat, that. Demichelis, who we believed scored only for the pleasure for us being able to read his name without his hair interfering, was our absolute favourite. 'Argentinian Long Haired Dude', we called him. I am crushing over Tzorvas's Zeus impersonation and telling his teammates where they should be scoring.
We were also exceptionally fond of -
Veron a.k.a Main Bald Dude
Rodriguez a.k.a Argentinian Dude
Maxi Rodriguez a.k.a. The Other Rodriguez
D. Milito a.k.a. Dude Getting Sucker Punched
Otamendi a.k.a. Throws Ball At Veron's Head Dude
We didn't leave out the Greek Squad either. No way, Papastathopoulos we loved you, Greek Dude With Fun Name.
There was also the Greek Long Haired Dude.
The Greek Dude Who Shrugs
The Greek Dude Who Keeps Tripping
The Greek Dude Who Keeps Running For Life
And nothing beats commentary like "Argentina in possession. Dude to Dude. Dude to Veron. Veron to Messi. Messi twirling in circles. Messi prima ballerina. Messi to Dude. Dude to somewhere in the middle of the field."
Also, I'm pretty sure the Argentina squad was under the impression that the Greek squad was transparent. Nothing else can explain the number of times they tried to kick the ball right through their stomachs.